Countering your Zen

Several weeks ago I made a trip to World Gym, the only gym worth going to (in my area) if you are a mom, and signed myself right up! Several locations! Tanning! Classes! Pool! Kid's program! FREE CHILDCARE. And that is the best, right there. Seriously, I can make my way to the gym as many times a week as I like, leave the kids in good hands and exercise with other adults, tan and take a shower all without yelling, 'WHO IS BANGING??" It is possibly one of the best investments I have ever made in my life.

Tuesday and Thursday I go to yoga (assuming the kids are healthy and have clean clothes to wear) and contort myself into the most delicious poses. I am rediscovering my flexibility and strength and I feel so alive! But I am, in fact, a yoga n00b and feel a little self conscious about unwritten yoga etiquette. Everyone is so focused and limber. And I just don't want to screw it up!

Something my husband and I have talked about it the fear in the unknown. How when you talk about those fears, you take away their powers. Today, I took away the powers of one fear and possibly created another. There is a pose that involves getting into a squatting position, placing your hands on the floor in front of you and resting your knees on your elbows. Then, then, you lift your feet off the ground and balance on your arms. Of course I could do this when I was six. Very simple. But sometime between six and the age I am now (oh-ho! you thought I would let that little secret?) I have grown a couple of feet worth of legs. Lots and lots of leg. So this is not so easy anymore.

Today I was pushing myself a little more to try the poses I have, in the past, shied away from due to the extreme chance that I would fall on my head. Today I felt so alive and so strong! I balanced! And I pulled my feet off the ground! And it was exhilarating! But mostly because I fell on my head. Loudly. Very thumpy falling. And then I laughed. Everyone was still, focused on this position, breathing, gaze to someplace tranquil and then an elephant hurtled to the floor and lol'd.

I am simply grateful they didn't kick me out or worse, talk to me after and tell me it was okay. Everyone pretty much pretended it didn't happen. Much like farting in polite company.

Not that I have ever done that.