Thursday, March 5, 2009

The one about zombies

Friends, I want to apologize for a blatant disregard to my eating journal. I have been sick with bronchitis the past few weeks and to be honest, I stopped caring about what I eat. I also stopped being able to taste anything but that is beside the point.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of being sick because I knew I would get better and the weather would get warmer and I would forget all about the wretched winter months. And yet, after 2 weeks of being restful and taking care of myself, I was not better. So I hauled my sick butt to the doctor and got a prescription (levaquin), which I took with dinner.

Now the fun part of the story.

I have fairly vivid dreams but I don't get confused or anxious about them, I just think about how much money I would make in the horror film industry and go back to sleep. Also, I have a thing about zombies. I hate them! They are the most frightening unreal monster you can throw at me. So last night after sleeping for about 1.5 hours, I woke up terrified. I was panting, heart racing and looking around for the thing that was going to get me. I paused for a moment wondering what on earth my problem was and then, Crazy Jami took over. "The zombies!!", she said. "They were coming after you and your family! You lost the kids DURING A ZOMBIE ATTACK!!" At this point I am completely freaked out. I (quietly) scrambled out of bed to check on the kids (both had normal breathing and temperatures. Not zombies) and as I returned to bed I had the worst foreboding experience ever. I was certain zombies were crossing the cow pasture, in front of my house, to come and eat us. And then I thought, "Oh my gosh! If the zombies are here, in no-where Arkansas, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!! I should just get the gun!!"

Thankfully, somewhere in chains I imagine, Common Sense Jami was screaming, "HEY STUPID!! ZOMBIES AREN'T REAL!! The drugs are probably affecting you!" I listened a little, until I realized my husband could be turning into a zombie that very second and he would eat me! And the kids! So I stared at him and then I touched him. The weather is getting warmer here and apparently he had too many blankets, so he was sweating a little. But all I thought was, "Oh my gosh! He is TRANSFORMING INTO A ZOMBIE!!" Then he woke up and told me he was hot, threw off some blankets and slept on.

Grateful that none of my family were zombies I fell into an uneasy sleep, only to wake up with my hands and feet burning up. I flung off blankets and spent the rest of the night trying to not freak out about the zombie invasion, get cool and actually sleep.

When I woke this morning, my wrist hurt (no idea why) and I felt like a million zombies river danced on my head. Then I checked the prescription and found this: "may also cause increased intracranial pressure and central nervous system stimulation which may lead to tremors, restlessness, anxiety, lightheadedness, confusion, hallucinations, paranoia, depression, nightmares, insomnia, and, rarely, suicidal thoughts or acts. These reactions may occur following the first dose." Also, "......pain, swelling, or inflammation of a tendon, or weakness or inability to use one of their joints.."

So I called my doctor and got a new prescription. I did happen to mention this was all about the zombies.


  1. Oddly enough, I am reading this post the night after I had a particularly vivid zombie dream. All the guns I picked up to kill them with were empty, so I had to settle for a pair of chopsticks up the nose of one of them. I scrambled his brains.

  2. First of all, I want to say that zombies are pretty highly-ranked on my list of awesome adversaries.

    Secondly, when I pictured being at your house in the middle of the night with a swarm of zombies quietly shuffling their way across all that open ground, it actually creeped me out a little bit.


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